slowman

BERLIN – Samsung E108, the dumbest phone available at the German big box retailer Media Markt but whose battery life on one charge lasted longer than most relationships, died March 6 in Berlin of complications resulting from its owner unintentionally smashing it with his ass. It was about 19 months old.

The owner-killer Stephen Lowman confirmed its death.

Throughout its life, the Samsung E108 left Lowman deeply ambivalent. Its ease of use and simple programs, such as Alarm Clock and Snake and T9 predictive text, led Lowman to lionize the phone as a humble rebel in a sea of pretentious shiny show-offs incessantly pinging and flashing and WhatsApping at you.

Other times, Lowman vilified it as the foe in his front pocket determined to make sure that he remained lost without Google Maps, longing to check his email, and pathetically lacking the ability to take dong shots pictures of food.

Samsung E108 came into the world in Marburg, a western German town famous for the eponymous virus and wide variety of casseroles, and left it thanks to the capriciousness of fate on the M29 bus somewhere between Neukölln and Kreuzberg.

It is survived by a 5-year-old MacBook and a Flip video camera.

I love that this store exists - and its sign. Alt-Lietzow.

Multiculturalism, according to a Berlin bus shelter poster. Sonnenallee and Treptowerstr.

A shocking announcement came today from Bild, Europe’s best-selling newspaper. After thinking it over yesterday (International Women’s Day), the editors decided to do away with their page 1 girl. Eva from Poland has the profound honor of being the last to show her breasts for the front page. 

“It is perhaps a small step from the perspective of women. But it is a big step for Bild and all the men of Germany,” writes the tabloid.

Randy men should not fear too much for the future, however. The newspaper is still running the feature, just on the inside. 

Zitty magazine comes out every two weeks in Berlin. The first half is art/culture/entertainment news; the back half is event listings. I can’t read most of it but I love it. One of its quirks is the genre labels it tacks on to just about every album and concert it reviews. The following genres come from Zitty’s last five issues. The artist is in parentheses. The Germans’ love for categorization and compound words are on full display.

Electro (Mark Reeder)

Kammer-Pop [kammer = chamber] (Oliveray)

Indie Pop (Gotye)

Folktronic (Tunning)

Schlager-Techno (Alexander Marcus)

Dreampop (Apparat)

Songwriter-Pop (St. Vincent)

Jazzpoprock (Trombone Shorty)

Pop (Naima Husseini)

Deutschpop (Udo Lindenberg)

Noise-Pop (Thurston Moore)

Alternative Rock (Smashing Pumpkins)

Witz-Rock [witz = joke] (Knorkator)

Art-Pop (Warren Suicide)

Krautrock (Agitation Free)

Electro-Pop (Dillon)

Bar-HHouse (Till Von Sein) [Why the double H? Should it just be “house”?]

Folk-Rap (Why?)

Konfetti-Pop (The Wombats)

Synthie-Pop (Neon Indian) (Love the diminutive “-ie”.)

Postpunk (Clock DVA)

2-Tone-Ska (The Specials)

Indie (Woodkid)

Chillwave (Neon Indian, again) [Note that the genre Hipster Runoff created has crossed the Atlantic!]

Retropop (Girls)

Ur-Indie [The “ur” prefix denotes something “original.” Also, old.] (Deus)

Insel-Indie [Insel = Island] (The Rifles)

Rave-Gitarrenrock (Primal Scream)

Dancefloor-Indie (Friendly Fires)

Poesie-Pop (Erdmöbel)

Femme Fatale (Lana Del Ray)

Rock’N’Roll (The Duke Spirit)

Piano-Dance (Hauschka)

Retro-Soul (Amy Winehouse)

Cowboy-Pop (The Bosshoss)

Techno (Boys Noize)

Improvisation (Thorsten Knaub)

Glitch (Oval) (In the review Zitty explains that Glitch music is characterized by “samples, loops and sound levels placed over one another.” That totally clears it up!)

Country-Prog-Psychedelia (My Morning Jacket) [“Some German words are so long that they have a perspective.” — Mark Twain]

Achtung! Der Atze is all in!

Exploring Teufelsberg with Tyson and Adam.